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An Everyday Story of Sex and Debauchery

 

Obviously what goes on in Ambridge is not a story, but the degeneration of this documentary into graphic bulletins of the sex lives of some dreary residents is more than enough to put respectable listeners off their food.   In recent months we have had Peep, who is more than happy to put it about with anyone who pops by, albeit that serial shagger Toby is always the default.  Then we have had Horny Hannah who is keen to get down to it with anyone on a “mates” basis, anyone except another serial shagger, Jazzer that is.  Phallustair Blandvoice gives us a reminder that sex is for life, not just for Christmas by getting it on with Lavinia, who only seems to have arrived in the village to service him.  Mercifully Fagash Lil and Justin seem to have cooled their ardour now that they live together.    Anarchists fear the next ones will be Hellin and Leary Lee,  Shulugh helping herself to Philip and Loathsome Lizzie who will probably go for a bit of Russ when Lilly is otherwise engaged.

 

Throw Away the Key

 

Drugs are not new in Ambridge and we all remember the disappointment when Jazzer and Edweird recovered from their addiction overnight, but it is good to have our very own toff dealer in Lower Poxley. Nigel would have been proud of Freddy and would undoubtedly have been indulging in a bit of weed himself.  We admire Freddy’s entrepreneurial streak but due to the loyal support he is getting from Loathsome we are forced to hope he is in jail for a good long time, getting a regular rogering from his fellow inmates.

 

Canterbury Yawn

 

The Capacity of the BBC to bring us a near identical bit of footage from Ambridge every year in relation to the ever more dreary village production is quite dispiriting.  To add insult to injury the Canterbury Tales is not a pantomime or Christmas-themed work, it was the outpouring of a 14th century geezer now only indulged in by people who are disappearing up their own backsides.

 

 

70 Year old Fagash gives hope to many

 

Fagash seemed to undergo quite a transformation from the posh, horsey Lilian Archer that some of us fondly remember.  Her first husband, Canadian pilot Lester Nicholson was tragically killed in typically mysterious circumstances and she went onto ensnare Ralph Bellamy and a serious quantity of wonga.  They disappeared to the Channel Islands to spend less time with the tax inspectors where Ralph pegged it.

 

The next we saw of Lilian was reincarnated as Fagash Lil, heavy smoking, heavy drinking and lusting after every male over the age of about 15.  Amazingly sshe has just turned 70 and she and Justin are still at it like rabbits. If any Anarchists are still having rampant sex in their 70s we would be very grateful if they would keep it to themselves.

 

The Archers are real – there is no cast

Please note that this cat is not in any way meant to represent the late Sammy The Cat but is here because of his good choice of reading material.

 

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