Many listeners will recall that last year a hit and run driver, Nauseous Nic popped her clogs because Wiwyerm didn’t notice that she was on her last legs.
Sadly she never had to face the consequences of leaving Matt Crawford for dead on a dark night, having cheerfully allowed the suspicion to fall on others. Being the weird village that it is,
Ambridge is commemorating her demise with a glorified “Bob a job” scheme. By rights the cash raised should go to victims of cowardly hit and run incidents but no one seems to have thought of
Lecherous Lee shows his colours
Finally the mask has slipped from the syrupy karate kid, Lecherous Lee. After Hellin made yet another fast and inexplicable exit from an assignation with him,
he has shown he is losing his patience, just like Rob Titchener before him. Why Hellin doesn’t just come out with it and say “I think you ought to know that I nearly murdered my husband with a
knife” is beyond us. He is sure to understand.
The well known saying that if something seems too good to be true it probably is has never seemed more apposite. Anyone who presents your Dad with a clapped out
van, no questions asked, does not need to be invited in for “tea” but reported to the appropriate authorities. How long is it before Edweird is asked to drop off a little package to someone in
An Everyday Story of Sex and Debauchery
Obviously what goes on in Ambridge is not a story, but the degeneration of this documentary into graphic bulletins of the sex lives of some dreary residents is more
than enough to put respectable listeners off their food. In recent months we have had Peep, who is more than happy to put it about with anyone who pops by, albeit that serial shagger Toby
is always the default. Then we have had Horny Hannah who is keen to get down to it with anyone on a “mates” basis, anyone except another serial shagger, Jazzer that is. Phallustair
Blandvoice gives us a reminder that sex is for life, not just for Christmas by getting it on with Lavinia, who only seems to have arrived in the village to service him. Mercifully Fagash Lil
and Justin seem to have cooled their ardour now that they live together. Anarchists fear the next ones will be Hellin and Lecherous Lee, Shulugh helping herself to Philip and
Loathsome Lizzie who will probably go for a bit of Russ when Lilly is otherwise engaged.
Throw Away the Key
Drugs are not new in Ambridge and we all remember the disappointment when Jazzer and Edweird recovered from their addiction overnight, but it is good to have our very
own toff dealer in Lower Poxley. Nigel would have been proud of Freddy and would undoubtedly have been indulging in a bit of weed himself. We admire Freddy’s entrepreneurial streak but due to
the loyal support he is getting from Loathsome we are forced to hope he is in jail for a good long time, getting a regular rogering from his fellow inmates.
70 Year old Fagash gives hope to many
Fagash seemed to undergo quite a transformation from the posh, horsey Lilian Archer that some of us fondly remember. Her first husband,
Canadian pilot Lester Nicholson was tragically killed in typically mysterious circumstances and she went onto ensnare Ralph Bellamy and a serious quantity of wonga. They disappeared to the
Channel Islands to spend less time with the tax inspectors where Ralph pegged it.
The next we saw of Lilian was reincarnated as Fagash Lil, heavy smoking, heavy drinking and lusting after every male over the age of about 15.
Amazingly sshe has just turned 70 and she and Justin are still at it like rabbits. If any Anarchists are still having rampant sex in their 70s we would be very grateful if they would keep it to
The Archers are real – there is no cast
Please note that this cat is not in any way meant to represent the late Sammy The Cat but is here because of his good choice of reading material.
The views on this website are not necessarily the views of Archers Anarchists nor of anyone else.