With great regret we have removed the option of slapping Arthur in our popular online survey. Although 8% of visitors to this site have cited him as the person they would most like to slap, there is something mildly distasteful in slapping the departed. Never mind, Joyce is still fair game and a deserving candidate given her carping and whingeing.

SHEAR NONSENSE

It’s good news that Edweird is thinking of taking up sheep shearing, a skilled profession for which he has had no aptitude whatsoever. We are just not sure how he is going to find time to fit it in between his dentistry, quantity surveying and aeronautical engineering.

2 DIMENSIONAL ROB ARRIVES AT BLOSSOM HILL

We are pleased to welcome the vaguely sinister Rob to the village. He clearly fancies himself as Mega Dairy Manager and with a bit of luck he will soon be at loggerheads with the sulky Saddam. His absent wife has obviously been turned into cattle cake and fed to a million or so cows in a similar enterprise

VICKOI’S BABY

Do we want to congratulate Vicky? No we don’t. She has bored us rigid about it for months and we had to listen to all the gory birth process which is pretty dull once you have heard a load of previous Ambridge sprogs being born.

PUSS’S RECOVERY

The Romeo and Juliet tale of Fagash Lil and the ghastly Paul Tiger appears to have come to an end and initial signs indicate that she has pretty much got over it within a day. There will be the odd relapses but at least we hope to avoid the excrutiating phone calls and clandestine meetings. Matt deserves happiness but it would have been nice to see him pulp the ghastly and greasy Paul.

ONCE A BADGER MURDERER….

Dearveed is at it again. The notorious badger murderer was only prevented from putting a bullet through another of the defenceless stripy creatures by the quick thinking of Lindybottom. Cant someone put US out of our misery by shooting Dearveed?

Yes it’s not far away. Didn’t quite make it before the end of the year but it is imminent. Have faith.

Ambridge Exposed – a book of @narchic poems from Barbara Williams

If you are looking for presents for the people who have everything (and assuming they have mugs and t shirts available from this site) can we commend to you this new book from @narchist Barbara Williams. Copies are available from Lulu.com http://www.lulu.com/content/4876284 at just £5.99

Take the latest @rchers @narchists surveys  Everyone wants to slap at least one Ambridge resident. You can vote every 30 mins for the most deserving denizen