RACIST SHULUGH SHOWS HER COLOURS

@narchists have turned the loathing of the ghastly Shulugh into a fine art and we are delighted that she has been rumbled. It is highly likely that she will be standing as Ambridge's first BNP candidate at the next Parish Council Elections and indeed she now holds the dubious honour of being Britain's most racist churchwarden.

WIWYERM THE KITE STUNNER FRAMES MALCOLM

People without voices in Ambridge often get a raw deal, as Mr Pullen, Mrs Potter and Trudy Porter will all testify (except they won't. Now the nasty Wiwyerm has saved his own skin by dobbing in the silent Malcolm when we all know that a Grundy would find kite poisoning all in a day's dodgy work.

TOUGH LUCK EDWEIRD

Edweird realises his luck has run out. Having overcome alcoholism in about a week, he thought he could do anything but sadly Fallen has become the Group Bike on tour and he can kiss goodbye to that relationship. Back to Ouremmer and becoming a decent Father to George we think.

BRINE PLAYS IT CLEVER

We have great faith in Brine and his business acumen and can't believe there isn't a catch in his apparent good deal for his step-children. We are just looking forward to it being revealed so that the smug smile will be erased from the faces of Sadam and Dopey Debbie.

NEWSLETTER

Just a message to all paid-up @narchists to say that your next newsletter should be with you in June - so don't go out.

Take the latest @rchers @narchists surveys  Everyone wants to slap at least one Ambridge resident. You can vote every 30 mins for the most deserving denizen