@rchers @narchists have been dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century and you can now join or renew your membership of @@ at the click of a mouse. Newsletter No 35 is now available to paid-up anarchists.

FILL’S MURDER GOES UNNOTICED

Ambridge appears to be the only place in the country where people can be peacefully murdered in their armchair without anyone being the slightest bit interested. No one at all has commented on the cause of Fill’s death, including Foghorn and the whole ghastly Archer family. Does Borsetshire not have a coroner?

BABY NAUSEA

Ambridge seems to be suffering from a severe overload of babies and baby-related discussion. We had Orrible Oscar, now we have Kate’s latest sprog and Abbey National and to make matters worse wall to wall discussion of Hellin wanting to impregnate herself because she can’t keep a bloke for more than five minutes.

JAILBIRD’S BONANZA

Jailbird Carter must be on barely the minimum wage doing what little she does in the shop, so it was quite a surprise that there was such widespread discussion between filthy rich Fagash Lil and the sole owner of the Bank of Peggoi about whether to pay her an extra month’s salary as part of her pay-off. But Jailbird herself seemed to feel all her financial troubles are at an end on hearing the news. Not sure what she is planning to live off in two months time.

NO VILLAGE PRODUCTION PLEASE!

It was with great alarm that we heard that the Run your shop with slave labour committee were contemplating a village play or worse still a talent show. There is no talent in Ambridge – fact.

PEEP’S NORMALITY CONTINUES

At least one Ambridge teenager is behaving normally. Peep is a breath of fresh air since she has started being rude to her parents, getting it together with someone old enough to be her grandfather and skipping lectures. She will be up the duff before you can say Hellin, while Hellin will still be doing things with a turkey baster that we don’t want to hear about.

SHOP IN BORCHESTER CAMPAIGN

We would like to encourage all Ambridge residents to shop at “The Supermarket” in Borchester. It is better value than the Village Shop, you won’t be scowled at by A Net or Jailbird Carter and you will help consign the Community Shop to the same dustbin of forgotten Ambridge ideas that houses Ts, The Organ Fund, The Belltower Fund, Boules competitions, Twinning and Phil.

Ambridge Exposed – a book of @narchic poems from Barbara Williams

If you are looking for presents for the people who have everything (and assuming they have mugs and t shirts available from this site) can we commend to you this new book from @narchist Barbara Williams. Copies are available from Lulu.com http://www.lulu.com/content/4876284 at just £5.99

Take the latest @rchers @narchists surveys  Everyone wants to slap at least one Ambridge resident. You can vote every 30 mins for the most deserving denizen